Welcome to the United States of Bloggerland

     I want more readers.

     Maybe I’m finally embracing the attention-starved role of the only child. Maybe I feel like, at this point anyway, writing here is akin to screaming over a cliff with no one listening. Maybe I just miss the days of Xanga, when I was given (mostly undue) internet praise for the emo poems I wrote in study hall.

     No matter the cause, I’m on a mini-quest to make this blog relevant – or at least comment worthy. Hint hint. Nudge nudge. So I’ve spent the last 45 minutes randomly searching the site for other bloggers who have some manner of success. Here’s what I’ve discovered so far: Blogging is like Zombieland. There are rules you need to follow, or else your blog limps along into brain-craving obscurity.

 Rule 1: You need some kind of theme and/or focus. Ideally this theme is not “Neurosis on Parade”. Strike one against Elyse in Wonderland.

Rule 2: You need to overload your reader with pictures of your children/wedding/arts and crafts obsessions. Yeah, about that…I was emotionally incapable of being in a mature relationship until about 4 months ago, and I have a serious aversion to anyone shorter than me i.e. kids. So forget pictures of that. And as far as being crafty…

...I’ve been working on the same scarf for a year and a half now. And while I do love to make stuff (check out these awesome cupcakes) I’ve lost most of my free time to work and the occasional social interaction. In short, I am not Hobby Lobby. Don’t expect too much. 

Rule 3: You should probably quote whatever holy book is assigned to your religion. Meh. I’m beyond uncomfortable trying to impose beliefs onto other people. It probably has a lot to do with the hell fire groups that used to picket the student union at my beloved alma mater. They would stand outside in the soul crushing (pardon the expression) heat of Louisiana and scream the different reasons that we were all going to hell. This was annoying because it made you late for class on top of being damned, and because I doubt that wearing shorts in 90 degree weather makes me a heathen. So don’t expect me to mention any faith-based preferences, unless you consider Jedi a religion. In which case, can we please be best friends?

Rule 4: You need to scour the interwebs looking for other random bloggers to befriend you. Eh. I’m actually pretty shy in person, and the anonymity of blogspot does nothing to alleviate those fears. Plus it seems cruel to throw my fledgling works under the bus like that. The blog is officially too little to be sent out on its own. I think we’ll be sticking to Facebook friends for the mean time.

     So what have I learned today?

     Well, in the immortal words of Columbus, some rules are made to be broken.

     I may never have a super army of followers, but I refuse to blog like a 35 year old cat lady. I’m going to keep writing about whatever the hell I want, I’m going to keep plastering it shamelessly all over Facebook, and eventually I’ll get it right.

xoxo
Elyse in Wonderland